Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
