His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I will be naked everywhere
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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