what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
