Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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