Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
