Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
