he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
