We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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