Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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