so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you would pick up someone in the library
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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