So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just found puke in my bra..
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
