I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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