I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
