I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
