Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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