worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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