i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
