If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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