If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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