genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
