is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
