They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
