Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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