He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
