Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
