Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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