he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
