Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
just tell him i said nine months
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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