i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
