I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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