im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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