Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
