No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
