Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
