well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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