Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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