She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
