Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
