sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
