Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
