I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
