i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
