no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
