I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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