y did u give ur computer a hand job?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
