Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
even my farts smell like vagina
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
