Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
