cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
