I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
