Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
